Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
