Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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