Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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