I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
