problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
