***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm at about main and main street
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
