It was confusing and full of hummus
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
