Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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