So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
