You can't motorboat a personality
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
