Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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