Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize