EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
