I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i think i have herpe
just one?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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