there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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