plz talk dirty to me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
