I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
