Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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