He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
