all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
