What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
