i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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