Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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