Duck Duck Cougar?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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