I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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