life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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