yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
