You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
