I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize