I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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