Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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