I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
