she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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