just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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