Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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