so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are we still banned from the library?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
