The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
