I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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