a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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