Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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