Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize