SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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