Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He better not be in your backpack
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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