Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
