I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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