its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
