so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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