This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
