You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize