Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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