I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
