This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
