So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
