saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk is not a location!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
