Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
