I think my vagina is haunted
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize