After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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