genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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