you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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