Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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