your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
