if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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