I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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