We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize