I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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