Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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