I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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