I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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