someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
