I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
