Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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