loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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