apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
