Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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