i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will be naked everywhere
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
