we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We had sex on a dog bed..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
