never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
