Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize