Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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