Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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