You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
