I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
