id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
