were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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