i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
