theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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