she smelled like a LAN party
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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