I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
