Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize