if you like me you must not know who I am
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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