we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
