Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize