Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
